


Near Miss

by otomekaidii



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Gender-neutral Reader, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other, PLEASE READ THE CONTENT WARNINGS, Platonic Relationships, Possible Spoilers, Reader-Insert, Referenced death of a loved one, Starts off dark but it gets better, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, mammon makes a brief appearance, mostly - Freeform, not graphic just heavy, occurs after lesson 18, please read the tags, reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:47:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27434563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otomekaidii/pseuds/otomekaidii
Summary: Takes place at the end of Lesson 18, during the party at the Demon Lord’s Castle.You have stepped outside to look for Belphie, when you find him star gazing near the lake.
Relationships: Belphegor (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Belphegor (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader
Kudos: 46





	Near Miss

**Author's Note:**

> Content warnings - this story deals with a previously suicidal Reader who opens up to Belphie about their experiences. I think it ends on a good note, but it’s rather open to interpretation so you may have a different take.

It was late in the evening when you were finally able to make your way outside. The party that was supposed to be to celebrate Lord Diavolo’s birthday turned into a surprise party for you instead. While you were truly honored by all of the attention and gifts everyone gave you, you were at your limit and in need of some peace and quiet.

Fortunately, Belphegor had already slipped out of the party awhile ago and tracking him down made for a convenient excuse to get some much needed alone time.

As you approached the lake behind the castle, you caught sight of Belphie reclining on the grass. The moonlight highlighting the white whisps of hair peaking out beneath his shaggy black bangs, giving him an almost ethereal quality. It wasn’t long before he noticed your approach though, and he turned to face you.

“Oh, MC…I had a feeling you’d come after me.”

Belphie gave you a soft, lazy sort of smile as he settled back down and rested his head on his pillow once more. You sat down carefully on the grass next to him, wrapping your arms around your knees and pulling them to your chest. Soon, the two of you are comfortably chatting about the party, while gazing at the Devildom stars.

“You know,” he said, “I had a hard time figuring out what to give you as a present. But I’ve finally decided.”

Belphie sat up, crossing his legs and turning to face you.

“How would you feel about making me yours? MC…I want to make a pact with you.”

You blink at him a few times as you process his words. A…pact? With…Belphie?

“But why?” you wonder out loud, your confusion evident on your face.

Belphie blushed slightly under your steady gaze.

“Well…I know I can never make it up to you for what I did,” he said, staring into your eyes before continuing, “But, I want to be the closest one to you. The one you call for first when you’re in trouble. I want to protect you,” he says, giving you a small smile.

So many thoughts are swirling through your mind right now. The only reason you had started gathering pacts in the first place was to help him. Well, help Beel really, if you were being honest. You did have your pact with Mammon sure, but that was more or less forced onto you by Levi when you first arrived and weren’t exactly in any position to object.

You take a closer look at Belphie, who is now fidgeting nervously with the edge of his pillow that is resting in his lap as he awaits your response. His beautiful violet eyes looked so hopeful. You could tell he was sincere, and you didn’t see a trace of the darkness that was once there when you’d visit him in the attic. You didn’t see any reason to refuse him at this point.

“Alright,” you said, “I’ll make a pact with you.”

Belphie’s eyes lit up immediately, though his expression remained soft. You could almost see the weight of guilt that had been weighing him down lift off his shoulders. You smile to yourself, taking some pride in the fact that you were able to give him a sense of peace.

“Let’s make it official,” Belphie began to move to hug you, but hesitated as he suddenly realized the position he was in. The last time he had hugged you like this was when he had killed you.

But before the mood could darken or turn uncomfortable, you moved forward on your own and wrapped your arms around his neck, giving him a firm hug.

“Thank you, Belphie. It means a lot. Honest.”

He relaxed again in your arms, and returned the hug, burying his face in your shoulder. If you had been looking at him, you might have seen the tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. He was so grateful to you, for everything you had done. And especially for your capacity to forgive.

“HEEYYYY!! MC!!” a voice called out to you, breaking the comfortable silence in the night. Releasing Belphie, you turn to face the voice and see Mammon standing not too far off, waving at you. Apparently you had been gone for awhile and the other six brothers were missing you - their guest of honor.

“Coming!” you call back, with a small laugh. You start to stand up when Belphie catches your wrist.

“Hey, can I ask you a question? Now that we have a pact I mean. It’s a little personal though.”

“Sure,” you say, settling back down, not quite sure what he could be so curious about, but you really didn’t have any secrets you were opposed to sharing at this point.

“Why aren’t you scared of me?”

“Oh.”

You had not been expecting that question. At least not again. He had asked you something similar once and you had been able to dismiss it, and avoid giving him a direct answer. But this time you were alone, and he was holding you in place. Mammon had already gone back inside, and the rest of the brothers were busy mingling or otherwise entertaining themselves.

There was no avoiding this now.

“Ummm…did Lucifer tell you anything about my first day in the Devildom? When I was summoned to RAD?”

Belphie shook his head. He loosened his grip on your wrist and made to hold your hand now instead. You had started shaking without noticing, and he was trying his best to offer support while you spoke.

You took a deep breath and continued, “Well, when I was summoned…I had actually been in the middle of a suicide attempt,” you heard Belphie inhale sharply as he gave your hand a gentle squeeze. “I had taken some medication and downed a lot of alcohol, and was just barely hanging on to consciousness when I found myself in the student council room, with Lucifer and Diavolo. Oh and I think Barbatos was there too.

“My memories are kind of fuzzy after that honestly, but in the end Barbatos was able to reverse the effects of the medication and cleanse it from my system, and I woke up in my room.”

“Why?” asked Belphie. His voice was almost a whisper. You turned your head to look at him and realized he was no longer looking at you, but instead focused on the hand he was holding, gently stroking the back with his thumb.

You squeezed his hand gently and started to explain, “You see. I actually used to have a family. It wasn’t a big one. Just me and my partner, and our child. But they were everything to me. My partner was a lot like Levi actually, but not as intense,” you gave a soft laugh, caught up in your bittersweet memories, “And our child? They were like a tiny Mammon clone. So full of energy. Always doing something. Always trying something new.”

By now you were smiling broadly, your eyes closed as you recalled your peaceful days with your family, laughing and playing video games together. Enjoying a lazy day at the beach. A weekend date at your favorite restaurant. Late night movie marathons of your favorite series.

But when you opened your eyes, your smile slowly faded.

“Well, they died,” you paused, “On the one year anniversary of their death, I decided I had had enough and that it was time for me to join them. There wasn’t anything left for me, ya know? They were all I had, and they were gone.

Honestly, when I woke up at the House of Lamentation, I thought I had been successful and had found my way to the after life. But after some convincing, Lucifer helped me to accept the reality of my situation. I was really angry at first. And just TIRED. I had been so close to finally getting to rest and stopping all the pain…and it was taken from me.

That was when I met you.

Lucifer had told me not to explore the attic, so of course I jumped at the opportunity to do just that in order to spite him. I didn’t care really what I would find, I just knew I had to get up there for no other reason than the fact he told me I couldn’t.

I wasn’t going to help you at first, you know? I figured you had to have done something to warrant being locked away, and I wasn’t keen on finding out what would be so morally unacceptable to demons to punish you like that. But then I started to know your brothers. I could see how much they were hurting, especially Beel. It was like I could feel their pain whenever I was with them.

So, I thought about it. And I realized I had one last chance to do something good with my life, something worthwhile. And if it didn’t work out? Well, I had been trying to kill myself anyways so I would just finish what I had started later. No harm done.”

You gave yourself a small, self deprecating smirk and sighed, “You wanted to know why I wasn’t scared of you, right?”

Belphie lifted his eyes once more to meet yours. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but you could feel the intensity of his gaze and knew he was listening. He gave your hand another small squeeze, to encourage you perhaps, you thought.

“I’m not scared because…I was grateful. I thought to myself ‘Finally. I finally get to see my family again.’ So even if the worst case scenario were to occur and you did try to kill me again, it wouldn’t make a difference to me. I’d welcome it. Just, promise me you won’t fail if you do try again though,” you laughed.

Belphie was frozen in place. Here you were, sitting next to him in the dark, alone for all intents and purposes, and you were laughing. And it wasn’t just any laughter - you actually sounded genuinely happy. You weren’t mad at him. You didn’t hold a grudge. In fact, you welcomed his companship and didn’t even see him as a threat.

He looked at you as you gazed at the Devildom sky, small tears streaking down your face. He thought about how utterly lost he had felt after losing Lilith. And how much he and his brothers struggled after the fall, while they transitioned to their demonic forms and adjusted to their new situation.

No matter how lonely he was or had been, he knew he was never alone. He still had Beel. And even if they aggravated him sometimes, he still had his brothers. He was never truly alone. In fact, he could scarcely comprehend the idea of being truly alone. The concept was just so far removed from his experience he struggled to even imagine it.

Sure he had spent some time alone in the attic, but Lucifer still visited him regularly, and then you later dropped by often as well. He had also known that eventually he would get out and be reunited with his brothers. They weren’t gone forever. The time he spent away from them was short compared to the thousands of years he had been with them already, and the thousands of years he still had to look forward to.

Yet there you were, somehow still standing and breathing, after quite literally losing everything. And not only had you survived a year on your own before coming to the Devildom, but you still the empathy necessary to help him when he was only waiting around to kill you. And you helped his brothers too. In fact, he had never seen them look more alive. All their distinct, obnoxious personality traits were still there - but it was like the edges had softened; like they had all relaxed and been taken back to a time where their lives were much less complicated.

“Well, enough of that,” you let go of Belphie’s hand and stood up as you wiped the tears from your eyes. You brushed off some small leaves that had attached themselves to your clothes, “We better get back to the party before Mammon comes looking for me again. I’m surprised he hasn’t dragged me back in already, honestly.”

“Do they know? Does Mammon know?” Belphie asked, as he stood.

“Your brothers? No, only Lucifer and Diavolo really. And well I guess Barbatos probably does too. This is actually the first time I’ve talked about any of this. It felt nice to get it all out there in the open.”

You had begun to walk back towards the castle, hand in hand with Belphie though neither of you could say who had reached for the other first. The silence was a comfortable one between the two of you. Even though he hadn’t said much, you got the impression that he understood exactly how you felt. You were thankful he hadn’t peppered you with questions, like you knew some of his brothers may have.

He didn’t try to fix it, to fix you. He just listened.

“Hey, Belphie?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read my story! This is my first time writing a fanfic and the first time posting to AO3. (I did my best with the tags, sorry if I screwed something up!)
> 
> To say I’m anxious about putting this out there is an understatement. I’ve written plenty of strategy guides and maintain a Tumblr full of screenshots and commentary about the game - but a full fledged story? That’s a totally different beast and feels so personal. 
> 
> I hope I’ve been able to convey my feelings to you and that you can relate to it in some way. This is based loosely on personal experience with a dash of “what if?” thrown in. 
> 
> If you’re struggling with thoughts of suicide, please know you aren’t alone and take advantage of some of the resources available to you.
> 
> https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/


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